Step 1 — Complete the Intake and Screening Process
What happens during intake interviews
Each spouse meets separately with the mediator either in person or virtually. During this meeting, the mediator will:
- Ask about your relationship history and current living situation
- Review your goals for mediation
- Clarify what issues you hope to resolve
- Explain how the process works and what to expect
- Discuss any concerns about communication or emotional triggers
Screening for domestic violence or power imbalances
The screening may involve questions about:
- Physical, emotional, or financial abuse
- Intimidation, threats, or coercion
- Unequal access to finances or information
- Communication challenges
- Mental health or substance use concerns
If the family mediator determines that mediation could put a spouse at risk or create an unfair negotiation environment, they may modify the process (e.g., shuttle mediation) or deem mediation unsuitable.
Identifying issues to be resolved during mediation
You may be asked to outline:
- Parenting concerns and proposed schedules
- Child or spousal support questions
- Property and asset division issues
- Debts and financial responsibilities
- Immediate concerns that require temporary solutions
Understanding ground rules and confidentiality
Before mediation begins, the mediator will explain the ground rules, which typically include:
- Treating one another respectfully
- Allowing each person equal time to speak
- Avoiding interruptions and accusations
- Sharing financial information honestly and fully
- Maintaining confidentiality as required by Ontario law
Mediation is a “without prejudice” process, meaning discussions cannot be used against either spouse in court.
Scheduling your first mediation session
The mediator may provide:
- A checklist of documents to gather
- Instructions for preparing financial disclosure
- An outline of topics to be addressed in early sessions
- Options for virtual, in-person, or shuttle mediation
Completing the intake and screening process thoroughly ensures a more efficient, safe, and productive mediation experience.
Step 2 — Clarify Your Priorities and Set Realistic Goals
Must-have vs. flexible items (e.g., matrimonial home, parenting time)
Before entering mediation, identify the issues that are essential to you and the ones where you can show flexibility. Examples include:
- Must-haves: A stable parenting schedule, financial support that meets your needs, or remaining in the matrimonial home for a transition period.
- Flexible areas: How holidays are shared, specific asset divisions, or timelines for property transfers.
Short-term needs vs. long-term stability
Separations often come with immediate practical concerns, but long-term planning is equally important. Consider:
- Short-term needs: Temporary living arrangements, interim child support, or access to funds.
- Long-term stability: Future housing, retirement planning, long-term parenting schedules, or career adjustments.
Understanding Ontario’s legal framework for support and property
Setting realistic goals means having a basic understanding of Ontario’s family law rules, including:
- Child support: Must follow the Child Support Guidelines and cannot be privately negotiated below the minimum.
- Spousal support: Determined by entitlement, need, and the Spousal Support Advisory Guidelines.
- Property division: Governed by the equalisation of Net Family Property (NFP) under the Family Law Act.
- Matrimonial home: Special rules apply—both spouses have equal possession rights until an agreement or order is made.
Focusing on interests, not rigid positions
Mediation encourages spouses to focus on interests (underlying needs and values) rather than positional bargaining. For example:
- Position: “I want the house.”
- Interest: “I need stability for the children during the school year.”
Interests open more pathways to solutions than positions. This mindset helps spouses collaborate rather than compete.
Considering creative solutions beyond court-imposed outcomes
You can explore flexible arrangements such as:
- Gradual parenting schedule transitions
- Custom support arrangements tied to career changes
- Creative property trade-offs (e.g., pension value exchanged for equity)
- Agreements about future communication or dispute resolution
- Phased buyouts of the matrimonial home
Step 3 — Prepare Emotionally for the Process
Managing expectations and stress
Entering mediation with realistic expectations can significantly reduce pressure. Remember:
- Mediation is a process, not a single meeting—multiple sessions may be needed.
- You may not get everything you want, and compromise is normal.
- Difficult topics may surface, and that’s part of working toward resolution.
Keeping discussions respectful and solution-oriented
Respectful communication is the backbone of successful mediation, especially without lawyers present. Focus on:
- Speaking from your perspective (“I” statements)
- Listening without interrupting
- Avoiding blame, sarcasm, or personal attacks
- Staying anchored in the goal: creating a fair, workable separation agreement
Practising clear, assertive, and non-confrontational communication
Good communication skills help prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflict. Try to:
- Express your needs clearly and concisely
- Stay assertive without becoming aggressive
- Ask questions when you need clarification
- Pause to think before reacting emotionally
- Use a calm, steady tone even during difficult topics
Final Checklist before Your First Mediation Session
✔ All financial documents organised and copied
- Bank statements, tax returns, income records
- Mortgage statements, property assessments, loan balances
- RRSP, pension, TFSA, and investment details
- A clear list of debts and liabilities
Bringing copies for the mediator and your spouse ensures transparency and avoids delays.
✔ Parenting information ready (if applicable)
- A proposed parenting schedule
- Notes about routines, school needs, and medical supports
- Holiday and vacation planning ideas
- Information relevant to their emotional or developmental needs
Being child-focused helps mediation stay grounded in Ontario’s “best interests of the child” principles.
✔ List of goals and priorities
- Your must-haves vs. flexible areas
- Short-term needs vs. long-term stability
- Interests driving your requests (not rigid positions)
This helps the mediator understand your perspective and streamline negotiations.
✔ Questions ready for the mediator
Bring a list of key questions, such as:
- What additional documents are required?
- How will parenting or financial issues be addressed?
- What happens after mediation wraps up?
These questions help you stay engaged and ensure you understand each stage of the process.